The power of one

Precisely one day before my youngest turns 21, and I am in Aruba, on vacation…alone. Party of one.

A semi conscience decision, I suppose. I definitely wanted vacation. I was pretty set on Aruba…I wasn’t set on s.o.l.o…

But as we all know…things don’t always go as planned.  Anywho…long story short, it was either go by yourself (suck it up) or don’t go at all.  So I grow a set, and board the plane, solo, headed for Aruba!

So here’s the deal…why, when you travel alone, are you seemingly treated differently?  The flights were fine, the airports were fine.  Customs was fine, but I couldn’t help notice that everyone approaching the podium was a party of two. Man and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, partner and partner…and then there was me…party of one…no, just one.

I check into the hotel and the guy at the desk says (in his Aruban accent) “Ok ma’am, 3 nights, I show for one??!”  Yes, that’s correct, I respond. I almost feel the need to explain…”Yes, really…I have lots of friends, and even a boyfriend (I think?!), it’s just that none of them were able to rearrange their schedules or finances accordingly….no really…I have friends!”

And so I begin my vacation…party of one.

Every wheres I go I am greeted with the same question…”just one?” as if that were a bad thing?!  Yes, just one…(do you see anyone else??!?)  Ever notice how you’re never asked “just two?” or “just three?”  Yeah, no I get it, most going out for dinner are a party of two or more, but sometimes single people need to eat too, and there should be no shame in that.

Although I will confess dinner for one was much easier to pull off after a grapefruit martini at the lobby bar…and yes, I am speaking from experience.  Because as a woman I met from Mississippi said ( in a very thick southern drawl) “well good fer yooooou, ya know, I think it’s awl about attituuuude…”  she and her entire extended family were in Aruba for her nieces wedding.  Nicer people you could not meet! And I found myself wishing I belonged to a big ol’ family…you know, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, embarrassing grandparents…the whole gambit.   But alas, ’twas not the case.  And then I made the conscience choice.  I remembered what the woman with the thick southern accent had said”…it’s awwwl about ya’alz attitude…”

And when the hostess  at the restaurant questioned “how many?”  I answered confidently “…one please.” No apologies, this was a conscience choice, and I did not sell myself short by answering “just” one.

Ahhhh yes…the power of one.  Be comfortable in your own skin.  You ARE good company. You are worthy of a lovely meal, in a lovely restaurant, and there is no shame in “a party of one.”

Bon Appetite!

 

A Variety of Goals…

It’s incredibly empowering to set a goal, and then to meet it. Wow. Really, does it get much cooler than saying “I’m going to do (insert goal here)…and then to actually do it??! I think not.

I’ve said for years that I wanted to run The Mountain Goat 10 Mile Run, a rather famous little race that occurs every Spring in my city.  But every Spring I find myself hitting my snooze button at 6:30 am Sunday morning, thereby missing yet another training run for this event. Best laid plans…

But this year was different.  This year, for a variety of reasons, I rolled my lazy ass out of bed at 6:30am each and every Sunday morning to get dressed in an assortment of layered running clothing (as it was often 15-20 degrees, snowing, windy, and just plain frickin’ cold!!) in order to partake in the legendary training runs…with 800+ other crazy runners.

Well today we reaped what we sowed. On what turned out to be the warmest day of the year thus far (upper 70′s), we ran the Mountain Goat in earnest.  And even though I’ve never actually run 10 miles before, I did today.  Was I fast?? Not really.  Did I place in my age group? Nope. Was I outstanding in anyway?? Probably not. But here’s what I did do…I started, I finished. Along the race route I high-fived 6 little kids that had their hands out, I struck up a conversation with  a runner I’d never met before, I made a pack w/ the guy next to me at mile 7 to be in the “under 2-hour club” and I encouraged and cheered on fellow runners who were doubting their ability at about mile 8 1/2.  In a nut shell…I had fun.  I took in the scenery (something I’d been too busy to do before)…I reached out to fellow runners, and I literally “felt” the whole experience.  And when I literally had about 400 meters left to run, and could not feel my legs, I pushed to cross the finish line, because that was my goal…and I did it.  I absolutely did it.  So cool. So empowering.

And so there ya go…various goals, enjoy, experience, accomplish…

Life is a journey, not a destination.

If it’s Wednesday, then it must be Aruba…

Hmmm…so much time has passed since the last blog entry…for better or worse?? Hard to say really. Obviously much has transpired since then…some of it good, some of it horribly “not so good.”

…all of of it falling under the heading of “life’s little experiences”…

And so here I am…mid Spring in Central NY.  The weather sucks, the girls are wrapping up their senior and junior years, respectively, in college, the ex has decided to stop contributing toward child support (cos everyone knows kids are free when they turn 21…) my mother is increasingly difficult as Alzheimer’s continues to ravage what little sanity she had left (making me even more useless in her eyes than before…as if that were possible…), and my boyfriend…Hm. Yes, my boyfriend.   He should be my rock, my go to guy, the one thing I can count on  when my life is seemingly spiraling out out of control…but hey, everyone knows relationships are not easy. Hell, if they were, everyone would have a great one, right??  And to his defense, I suspect I may be a pain in the ass to deal with from time to time as well…

Flash-forward.  I decide a  short vaca is in my near future…it includes; sun, surf, tropical drinks, snorkeling, horseback riding on the beach, escaping nearly all responsibility and some serious inventory of oneself.  Enter Aruba.

I extend the ‘holiday’ invite to a few friends, (my boyfriend being my first choice, of course) but no ones schedules or desires line up with mine. Boo, I think…no vaca.  Now the way I see things, you always have two choices for everything…namely “do it” or “don’t.” That’s it. It’s not rocket science.  If you want to do something, then make it happen…and if you choose not to do it, then that’s fine.  However, if you choose not to do something, you cannot sit around complaining about how you didn’t get to do X, Y, or Z.  So after sitting around for a few days whining to myself about not getting to go on vacation (because I have no one to travel with)  and vacationing alone is not an option because it’s sad a pathetic…I decide “f” it…I will go to Aruba alone.  What the hell?  I’m an independent, educated, mature (read “middle-aged”) woman. I’ve given birth, endured divorce, raised daughters, had my heart broken and competed in a handful of Triathlons.  I sure as the hell can go on a little tropical vacation solo!

Carpe’ Diem!  I have my tax return, paid vacation days and my health…no time like the present.  I have learned many things over the years…and the one thing I will never lose sight of is this…everyday is a gift, life can be short, and it is always unpredictable…do not waste opportunities and live with no regrets…or at least as few regrets as possible-  Sadly I know way too many people who have said “…when I retire…” and you know what??  They died before they ever retired, ever got to do anything the waited for.  My dad and brother being two of those people. How much does that suck??!  And perhaps that’s where I get my “Carpe’ Diem” attitude from…

And so there ya have it…this time next week, I shall be blogging from the pristine beaches of sunny Aruba!